I turned 25 a few months ago. Here I am, ready to have my quarter life crisis, get super fucked up one night and drunkenly start crying about what the hell I’m doing with my life — Where do I want to live? Do I want to have kids? Am I saving for retirement? Five years older than Sophomore year of college – waking up reeking of beer/weed, going to class still drunk from last night, spending 150 hours in the library on finals week — and 5 years before turning the big Three-OHfuckineedtostartgettingmyshittogether. Some of my friends are already married, and some of them are happily engaged. Some of my friends have their master’s degree and some haven’t even graduated college yet. Life is weird, people are unique. Society puts out all these numbers and expectations, like “10 Things You Need to Do Before You Turn 25” and “This Is the Perfect Age to Get Married.” I get all disappointed when I get to the end of the article and mumble, “fuck, I’m not anywhere near where I’m supposed to be.” I’ve been single for 4 years and I’m still afraid of commitment. I barely know what a 401K entails. I know more things about Kylie Jenner than I know about the governor of New York. I still say “when I grow up” when talking about my future. Does anyone else feel the same, or am I just the only one to embarrassingly admit it? I don’t know, and I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow or the next day. But one thing I do know, is that I am finally finding happy.
I’ve always struggled with happiness. I looked at people and wondered how they never battled with depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts. I don’t know how they just don’t worry. I’ve been on anxiety meds for over 10 years and I’m no longer ashamed to talk about it. Society has a horribly inaccurate description of mental illnesses. Either you need to go to rehab for “crazy” people, or you’re “faking it” when you ask to take a mental health day from work. I learned at an early age that I was freaking out way too much for a 13 year old who shouldn’t have a care in the world besides going to soccer practice and eating ice cream before bed. If I don’t have everything organized and planned out, I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. But I am realizing, finally, that being on the “no-plan plan” isn’t as bad as it sounds. I’m finding out that life rarely pans out to be the black and white picture I always imagined, and the majority of life is fuzzy gray uncertainty.
I have no idea what is going to happen next year let alone in the next hour. But one thing I do know is that I am the happiest right now than I have been in my whole life. People questioned why I wasn’t writing anymore, so here we are. I guess since writing has always been my personal form of therapy, I wrote when I was depressed, angry, and heartbroken. But finally, I am at a point in my life where I can confidently say I am ‘content’ with how my life is unraveling. I can finally start writing when I feel happy, too.
This past decade of my life has had it’s ups and downs, yet I only concentrated on the negatives. I’m still working on becoming more optimistic and excited about the future, as I really have been blessed in so many ways. What you’ll find here are some topics like:
- Dating — I.E. stories about my #WTF, hilarious, and awkward dating experience.
- Millennial Stuff/Observations — my thoughts on being a millennial, how we function, psychological studies on millennials and how accurate they truly are
- Stress/Anxiety/Body Image — my experience/stories dealing with all three of these topics for the past 10+ years
I have a witty and sarcastic sense of humor, yet I found that my strength in writing is my honesty and transparency with the audience. I’m going to write about things I’m passionate about, and not only things people want to read. I am not trying to sugar-coat my life and paint the image that I’m perfect like most 21 year old girls do on Instagram now. Honesty is my strength, and I am going to work with it here. Here is to being raw. Here is to finding happy. Here is to me. Let’s write.