Learning to be #NotSorry
Welcome to 2017, everyone! Although I am a wet blanket when it comes to celebrating the new year (least favorite holiday), I think we can all say thank fucking God we didn’t all just kill ourselves in 2016. Like Jesus Christ, how horrible was last year? Half of Hollywood died and Donald Trump was elected our next president. Unfortunately 2017 is part of this nightmare for the next 4 years, but you know what they say, if Britney Spears can get through 2008, we can get through this.
With the new year comes the overflow of New Year’s Resolutioners on our social media feeds. We have the people who pledge to work out more, quit smoking, save more money, eat better, etc. Apparently only 8% of these go-getters actually follow through with their resolution, and the other 92%… well, you know… fail.
It may come off that I am being pretentious with this statement, but as someone who has been working on myself for the past 10+ years (including: one on one cognitive behavioral therapy, group therapy, self-growth reading, experimenting with different medications, journaling, blogging, etc), I’m pretty consistent with always writing new goals/resolutions down that I want to work on. I have a planner and journal that I carry in my bag every day I go to work or go for a walk somewhere. I am constantly writing about goals that I want to work on, or write down quotes of affirmation to help me reach that goal. For example, one of the resolutions that I have wrote down for the past 3 months is to stop saying “sorry.”
You may be wondering, “huh? what kind of bullshit resolution is that?” Let me explain.
Have you ever noticed how many times women say “Sorry?” It’s understandable to say sorry if you were late for a meeting, if you got someone’s order wrong, or if you forgot to pick your friend up at the train station. Yet, have you ever heard a woman say sorry for something completely stupid or unnecessary? Like “I would love to grab dinner! But, sorry, I don’t like Indian food.” Apologizing for taste buds that you can’t really control? Or how about this, “Yes the ‘j’ in my last name is silent. Sorry it’s so hard to spell.” Like, what?! Apologizing for the name you were born with? Apologizing that someone doesn’t know how to spell your name? This is crazy! Or how about this last one, a female saying, “Sorry, but it’s 3 a.m., can you please lower the music?” Like What. The. Fuck. Why are we feeling sorry for asking for respect? Are we not worthy of receiving sympathetic understanding? It’s a completely valid request, but we say “sorry” because we are not confident about communicating these rational needs for ourselves. Why are we apologizing for things that we should no way take blame for? Although some men may communicate similarly, this is definitely an apparent issue with females.
I prefer not to get into a whole gender argument here about the history of gender roles — males traditionally being more outspoken and confident, and females being more sensitive and timid. The past 6 months have been quite different for me – I have gained an immense amount of confidence and have owned up to my feelings and emotions. That being said, I am practicing to no longer apologize for things that I know are not something I should be ashamed of. I know that I should not apologize for being busy on a Friday night and asking to reschedule. I know that I should not feel sorry for concentrating on my workout and not answering to a text immediately. Instead of “sorry, I was at the gym,” I am learning to say, “I was busy at the gym, what’s up?” There is no need to apologize for our priorities and things that make us feel happy.
I think this is truly important for women to realize if they are a victim of the “sorry” game. The more you say sorry and take blame for things that are in no way your fault, the more people will take advantage of you. Be confident in your actions and your words, and people will respect you more and more each day.